Merentas Desa

1st and 2nd of February. It’s like the longest day ever in my life, cause I did not have enough sleep apart, and I’ve seen the daylight twice in a day.

After school on Friday, Ming decided to treat us friends a meal at Zen of pyramid. Thanks Ming! I haven’t had Japanese food like for years. The food was awesome, though too bad I can’t try the recommended roast cow tongue (yucks.. exactly). Stuck in a jam later while trying to escape the hassles of Subang Jaya. Went home and back to school again around 10pm for the traditional overnight duty the day before Merentas Desa. Didn’t help out much, cause me and zk have to meet Re Chung and friends for some get together. He and WaiPhan helped out with the setting up of road signs for tomorrow. They left at dawn, and I was able to capture a brief nap. Merentas Desa went on pretty well I think, though I kinda regretted that I did not stay in the school when most problems occurred in the school. Went home again at 2pm and slept off 5 hours.

Well that’s what happened physically. Actually I’ve been thinking so fucking much in 2 days. How people treat me, what have I achieved so far, where am I heading, what might have been, what might not have been… My life was definitely nothing but bullshit. Especially now. I felt helpless when thinking of how to change how people see me. Sometimes I just feel like leaving this god-damn place and start all over. Once I end f6 next year, I’m gonna leave and not turn back. Ever. There’s nothing more than shit memories of how people treat me.

I don’t look forward to school these days. I don’t know where to hang out or even find someone who I could really talk to. Whenever I tried to talk, I get pushed aside thinking I can settle everything myself. Everyday was torturous. Every moment was depressing. I got too tired trying every ways to change but to no avail. I felt very lonely.

Thanks ym. A lot. You were really the first one to care. You somehow caught me back a bit. Sometimes it’s better not to care how people treat you as long as you treat people well. Quiet, keep quiet in the corner if people purposely want to keep you in the dark from things.

I’m choosing not to care anymore. My state is incorrigible. I have to find my own reasons to survive this very very long year and fucking screw this life I’m having right now.

I’m gonna change after that. Not just a change, but a major revolution. Forget the people who are making my life hard and stick real close to those who are my best friends.

I’m counting down. I’m gonna fucking change.

And no, you are not gonna stop me.