Losing sight of life

Caught up with my buddy Yifan today, being jobless for 2 months now he is starting to feel the pressures of society financially. Being caught in a situation of having an uncertainty in the future sucks, very much like how I am feeling right now. It feels like there is so much waiting to do but nothing we can do about it.

When we ask ourselves what is there to be done? Of course there are so many things to do while waiting. It is just whether it can satisfy us spiritually when we do it. In other words, is it worth it? Too often we want to do too much, but ended up doing nothing. Or we aim to do something too out of reach, and getting demotivated in the process.

Life is weird. At the moment I am in a state of 'can't be fucked' about anything, and be contented with what I have. But everyone else who started off at the same time with me seemed to be moving along too fast. Facebook, YouTube, Twitter... all the social networking sites where peers boast their successes to make me feel like shit. It makes me feel pressured, like I am suppose to already achieve some similar successes. Am I just a late bloomer, or I will end up being a loser all my life?

It makes me feel insecure. I need to stop playing video games and literally get a life before its too late. Escapism has always been my weakness, and playing video games provided me a false feeling of being needed by the society. The epic or 'like a boss' feeling so to speak.

But I don't know where to start. That pretty much branded me as a typical loser in life. I don't know what I wanted, nor what I am good at. Perhaps I should go somewhere far away, away from the confines of my life and think about life. Perhaps it is like how people chose to travel or backpack to seek the meaning of life. Maybe I should do it.

Maybe all I need is an adventure...