I messed up

I can be happy but there's a problem.

I realize most things I do, most of my interests and liking are totally for my own amusement. It is extremely hard to find a person who shares the same passion as mine.

There can only be one explaination: I have really unusual interests.

I like meeting new people, but I dislike it when I run out of things to talk to people. Sometimes I like to try, but I don't like to fake myself to please people too.

I enjoy being a l33+ netizen, keeping up with memes and news of electronic gadgets. I subscribed to hundreds of youtubers and keep up with their videos daily. I play the same games daily with an aim to improve myself to be better. Usually that somewhat categorizes me as a geek in real life ain't it? To netizens, I may be a l33+, but I never crave attention from a cyber life. I always wanted to be cool in real life. Hence I often use what I learn from the internet, to try to get real life social attention.

Thing is, I finally realize that I messed up.

Both worlds do not correlate to each other. And I can be never be good at both. I can only choose one, either spend most of your time being a geek, or have a real life. I wasted so much time, only learning to be a half geek.

There was a time when chasing after all this interests was for the cure for boredom. However things gone really wrong when I got obsessed on keeping updated with the latest, with a hope of being socially accepted. They became my life priorities, so I procrastinated what is more important in life. But instead of being cool, they got me nowhere with people.

Now I know where all the feeling of loneliness stem from. I need to lay down my ego, like why did I even post this up. Does showing a weakness make me uncool? I think it matters very little now since I have nothing to lose at all. Besides, admitting to mistakes is a start right?

Funny how I learn so much about myself while typing this blog post. Hope it's not too late to change.